You made me cry and you don't even care
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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