know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
