So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
