Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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