So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
