i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
