I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
