I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
