So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
