I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
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It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
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Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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