just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
