I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
