so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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