I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
