everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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