Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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