I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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