Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I want a musical about memes.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
