U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You were trust falling into bushes
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
