remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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