we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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