I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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