Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
