so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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