Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
