I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
