I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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