i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
