Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
