don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
