I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
