Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
