FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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