Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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