Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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