Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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