is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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