Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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