She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
