You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
