does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
