Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
he shaved USA in his pubs
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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