When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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