My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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