8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Your penis caused this!
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