he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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