Plan B is the new Plan A
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
