The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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