they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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