You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize