I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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