Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
