you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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