so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
