And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
