just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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