even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
