Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
