$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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