First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
