Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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