He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
