This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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