I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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