Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
