why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
