On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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