Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
