She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
