I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
