He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
