i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
