I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
