Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
