we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
