im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
