I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
