I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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