you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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